Photo: Pexels – Kat Smith

What is lament and how does it fit in the life of the pastor and the church?

Not so long ago I and the wonderful churches I lead went through a very difficult period. There were a number of challenges that came all at once over a 6 month period.

On one occasion I was pouring out my heart to a friend who said to me “It sounds to me as though you would benefit from lamenting” and recommended a book – Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy – Discovering the grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop. Vroegop writes about his own experience of loss, and how it led him to learn the blessing and the grace of lament.

I could just send you away to read the book (and I do recommend it highly), but let me share a few things I’ve learned on the road – partly from the book, partly from my experience more generally.

Permission to complain

First, isn’t it wonderful that God gives us permission to bring our complaints to him? We often think that we shouldn’t be doing that – that it’s somehow ungodly, or that it dishonours God. But the problem is, we often still complain; we just complain to other people or internally instead. And of course neither of those leads anywhere!

How much better to bring our complaint to our good and loving and sovereign God who loves us and cares for us. Actually it’s not just better, it’s essential  – because if we don’t bring our complaints to our loving Father they will in the end drive us away from him. Lament even has the power to bring those who are angry with God back to him, as they discover that he will listen, and he does care.

Life in a minor key

Second, it sometimes feels to me as though life is being played out in a minor key. Do you find that? Yes, there are always things to give thanks for, there are always reasons to rejoice – and we’re commanded to rejoice in the Lord always – and yet… if you were turning your life experience into a movie, at that moment a soundtrack with minor chords would seem to fit better. And lament enables us to turn that into prayer and even sung worship.

Good gift from God

Third, lament is a God-authorised, good gift from God to help us process our emotional and spiritual response to bad things happening (did you know that as many as one third of the Psalms have an element of lament in them?) Of course we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28) and nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ (Romans 8:35-39); we even know that God’s love for us has been revealed beyond doubt at the cross (Romans 5:8); and we know that he has and will pour out his love into our hearts (Romans 5:5).

But sometimes there’s a disconnect between these realities, and where we find our hearts and even our heads. For example, without going into detail something happened to me recently where God seemed to lead me up the garden path – he seemed to offer something good, and then take it away again at the last minute. What do I do with that? How do I continue to believe those wonderful truths from Romans? Lament has helped me to do so.

Lots to lament

Fourth, when you start lamenting, you begin to realise that there’s lots in the world to lament. You start to look around in the community, in the news, in the world – sadly in the church as well – and notice many ways in which God’s good ways are violated, the weak are oppressed, the poor and vulnerable are violated. And that’s not to mention war and disease. Ultimately, I’ve found that lament takes me to the start of the Lord’s prayer – “Your kingdom come, your will be done.” Only the return of Christ will finally bring our prayers of lament to an end.

Confidence in God

Fifth the prayer of lament ends with trust and confidence in God (and this is what differentiates lament from complaint!) For example, during my period of lamenting I was led to look at Psalm 44 which is a communal lament. The Psalmist goes through a whole variety of emotions and prayers, but he concludes by saying:

Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep?
    Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever.
Why do you hide your face
    and forget our misery and oppression?

We are brought down to the dust;
    our bodies cling to the ground.
Rise up and help us;
    rescue us because of your unfailing love.

Psalm 44:23-26

He is confident that God will rise up and answer his prayer – because he knows that God is a God of unfailing – steadfast, covenant, hesed – love.

Character and promises of God

Above all – and connected to this – whatever happens we can come back to the character and promises of God. Habakkuk and the Psalmists often returned to the Exodus and said “you did this before; you can do it again.” We can come back to the cross and say “you’ve demonstrated your love beyond doubt. You are the victor and we are more than conquerors. So I’ll trust you to work it out.”