Photo: Brett Jordan – Unsplash

How to explain the deep currents that drive human behaviour? Every boy longs for his father, though exactly what he longs for he doesn’t know. For inside all boys there exists a gap, a space inside, tender to the touch, undiminished by time… A gap that to some feels more like a chasm – one capable of destroying a young man’s sense of self. It is a chasm between what a boy craves – love – and what he so often receives – criticism, indifference and abandonment.

Richard Collins, House of Souls

The novel House of Souls explores human behaviour and motivations and how the good news of Jesus Christ brings redemption and renewal to human brokenness. I believe that quote will touch a nerve with many men, women, boys and girls. Every man, woman, boy, girl longs for a good father – though exactly what they long for they don’t know.

But the quote also highlights the bad memories and experiences many of us have. It speaks of a chasm between what we long for and what we often experienced. And of course there is also the loss that every person experiences at some point; my father died 24 years ago, and I miss him more each year that passes.

People crave a father, and a good relationship with their father; but so often they don’t experience it. And many of us live with the consequences: Boys and young men growing up without good role models, unable to navigate their way in the world; others getting sucked into gangs as they look for the love and belonging they haven’t received from earthly fathers; not to mention the countless young people and adults who simply feel unloved.

We’ve explored the theme of love a number of times in this blog. In this and a future post we’ll consider two very important relationships of love that dominate the Bible – Father love and husband love. We’ll see that father love and husband love are of central importance in human relationships precisely because they are at the heart of the gospel and indeed at the heart of the life of the Trinity, and how God’s people relate to the Trinity.

It’s worth clarifying that in writing this post I’m not in any way wanting to undervalue the love and role of mothers. We all know that mothers play a vitally important role – in some ways more important. Rather, I’m emphasising father love because of its emphasis in the Bible; and also because sadly it’s often the love of earthly fathers, not mothers, that is lacking.

1, The Ideal Father-Son relationship

We begin with the ultimate, ideal Father-Son relationship. The reason father love is of central importance in human relationships is precisely because it’s at the heart of the life of the Trinity. Human beings were created to image God, and human relationships in some way image divine relationships. And at the heart of the life of the godhead is the relationship of Father and Son.

In the Bible we encounter the Father and the Son as they engage in a mission to save humankind. We encounter the Son as he becomes a man – God become flesh (John 1:14); as he grows up as the man Jesus; as he lives amongst people. And we encounter the Father as Jesus the Son teaches us about him.

But we need to remember that each person of the Trinity – Father, Son and Holy Spirit – existed in that capacity before the universe – and we – were created. The Father was Father before creation; the Son was Son before we were created. Jesus prays:

Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

John 17:24

That doesn’t mean the Son was created – he has always been the Son. Theologians call this ‘eternal generation’. What does the Bible tell us about this relationship between Father and Son? The Father loves the Son; and he tells him that he loves him:

This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.

Matthew 3:17

In John’s gospel we see that the Father shows the Son what he does (John 5:20); he sends the Son to do the work he has prepared for him (John 3:17); he seeks the glory and honour of the Son (John 5:23, 17:1, 5). As for the Son – he listens to, obeys and loves the Father (John 10:31); he glorifies the Father (John 17:1).

Austin Farrer writes:

God cannot live an identically godlike life in eternity and in a human story. But the divine Son can make an identical response to his Father, whether in the love of the blessed Trinity or in the fulfilment of an earthly ministry. All the conditions of action are different on the two levels; the filial response is one. Above, the appropriate response is a co-operation in sovereignty and an interchange of eternal joys. Then the Son gives back to the Father all that the Father is. Below, in the incarnate life, the appropriate response is an obedience to inspiration, a waiting for direction, an acceptance of suffering, a rectitude of choice, a resistance to temptation, a willingness to die. For such things are the stuff of our existence; and it was in this very stuff that Christ worked out the theme of heavenly sonship, proving himself on earth the very thing he was in heaven; that is, a continuous perfect act of filial love.

Austin Farrer

2, Adopted children of the Ideal Father

Having disclosed the ideal Father-Son relationship, the Bible shows us how God has made it possible for each of us to be caught up in that ideal relationship.

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law…

Galatians 4:4-5

God sent his Son for a purpose – to redeem those under the law. Indeed, this is how the Father supremely reveals his love for us, that he was willing to send the Son that he loves to die for us:

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:10

Note that the Son came willingly, he wasn’t coerced (John 10:17-18). Father and Son, because of their loving, self-giving nature, chose in eternity to act in this way to save humankind.

Paul continues in Galatians:

God sent his Son… to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

Galatians 4:5-7

And that means that we are brought into relationship with God the Father – the ideal Father – as his adopted children. And God has sent the the Holy Spirit – the Spirit of his Son – into our hearts so we can say “Papa” as Jesus does – our relationship is that intimate. And with Jesus we are heirs of the kingdom which the Father will give to his children. We are fully known, fully loved, fully accepted children of our loving heavenly Father.

What is this like?

But do we really believe these things? In our hearts as well as our heads? And do we live as if we do? I’ve been a follower of Jesus for 28 years. But it’s only in the last few years that this glorious truth has reached my heart and impacted how I view myself.

We all need to know that we’re loved. There are different relationships through which we can know we’re loved but this is one of the greatest – knowing we’re loved by our father, and particularly our heavenly Father. It may be that some of us find it hard to believe because of difficult relationships with our earthly fathers. Perhaps they demanded more than they affirmed; perhaps we didn’t know them, or they were absent; perhaps tragically they even abused. Whatever it might be, that relationship could make it harder to know we’re loved by a father.

Others of us will have had a good relationship with our earthly father. And we can use that to help us look beyond them to the heavenly Father who made them and is the source of all fatherhood. (Ephesians 3:14-15). Either way, God wants us to know that he is better. Remember the words of Jesus:

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!

Luke 11:11-13

God wants us to know he is our loving heavenly Father. How can we know it? By praying that he’d reveal it to us. Paul writes in Romans 5:

Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:5

Why not pray this for yourself? Pray for his healing if that’s what’s needed. And then meditate on his love – think about it, fill your mind with it. Go back to the Scriptures which speak of his Father love; use your imagination to appreciate it.

I’ve recently been finding it helpful to think about the end of the parable of the prodigal son. The son takes half of his inheritance and leaves; but then he goes through difficult times and finally comes to his senses. He decides to go back to his father and ask to be his servant. But when his father sees him coming back down the road he runs to him, hugs him, kisses him, and reinstates him as his son (Luke 15:20). It’s a wonderful image to have in mind as we think about the love of our heavenly Father for us. Whatever we’ve done; whatever we’ve been through; whatever our relationship with our earthly father might have been like or not like – this is our Father’s response to us.

Or consider this short poem:

So near, so very near to God, I cannot nearer be;
For in the person of his Son, I am as near as he.
So dear, so very dear to God, More dear I cannot be;
The love with which he loves the Son, such is his love to me.

Writer unknown

3, Reflecting the Ideal Father-Son relationship

We’ve seen that God designed human relationships – and the gospel – in such a way that they reflect the relationships within the Trinity, and what brings most glory to God. In particular, we’ve seen that earthly father-child relationships image the ideal relationship between God the Father and God the Son.

Tragically, earthly father – child relationships fall short of this relationship because of sin and shame. But through faith and the bond of the Holy Spirit we have been adopted as God’s deeply loved children. As those who have the Holy Spirit and who know and experience God’s love for us, our earthly relationships can increasingly image the relationship of God the Father and God the Son.

Fathers (and grandfathers)

We are called to love our sons and daughters and grandchildren. And part of loving is to express that love – to tell our children how much we love them, and how proud we are of them. As fathers we find it very easy to treat our children as if our love for them depends on their performance. But if God treated us like that we wouldn’t be his children at all. As those who have been loved unconditionally, we can love unconditionally – and see what a positive impact it has on our children.

Spiritual fathers

There’s a great need for men who are willing to take on the role of spiritual father – helping to care for and to be an example to boys and young men. There’s an old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” and that’s particularly true for boys and young men. Will we look out for boys and young men in our church community and further afield who are looking for guidance and godly examples. And parents – if you’re aware that your son – or daughter – needs guidance, why not ask someone in the church family you respect to support you and help give guidance to your child?

Of course, we need to ensure that everyone is kept safe, and be above reproach in how we behave. But we also need to realise that boys and young men are looking out for mentors – and if they can’t find a godly mentor, they may end up finding an ungodly one instead.

Children and young people

It may be that you’re a young person or even a child – and if so I’m delighted you’re reading my blog! There is one main command that the New Testament gives to children and young people – “Obey your parents.” (Colossians 3:20; Ephesians 6:1-3). In practice that can be very challenging. Sometimes you think you know better – that they don’t understand. But remember that as you obey you are following the example of the perfect son, Jesus: He obeyed his Father. And remember that obedience and trust go together: you obey your parents because you trust that they love you.

All Christians

What I have just written to children and young people also applies to all Christians as we relate to our heavenly Father. As we meditate on how much our heavenly Father loves us we will be increasingly persuaded of his love. And we will trust him and be more willing to obey him. As we saw earlier:

The appropriate response is an obedience to inspiration, a waiting for direction, an acceptance of suffering, a rectitude of choice, a resistance to temptation, a willingness to die.

Austin Farrer

He was writing about Jesus in relation to his Father, but the same will be true of us. We will increasingly trust our heavenly Father that he loves us, that he will provide us what we need, that everything we go through is for our good – and therefore we will be willing to suffer, to resist temptation, to follow his leading wherever it may take us.