What is love?

Photo: Unsplash – Neal Johnson

There has been much discussion recently (including in the Church of England, of which I am a part) about love, but very little has been said about the nature of love. This post is based on a sermon I gave at the Anlaby Churches on 15th January 2023. I hope it makes some small contribution to the discussion.

Introduction

“What is love?” We often talk about love – but do we ever stop to think what it means? If we do we’re not alone – someone told me recently that it’s the most searched question on Google. And it’s a vital question. If you’re relatively young you’ll hear lots about love on movies and social media and from friends, and more than not they’ll assume they know what love is. And we need to be careful not just to accept what is said about love. Often what they mean is romantic love; and often they mean a feeling. And that’s not surprising because more and more people think through their feelings.

But of course as Christians we can react against that – we can overreact – and we can say that love is just something we do, and doesn’t involve feelings at all. So – what is love?

What God tells us in the Bible

Hopefully by now at the Anlaby Churches you’ve realised that we want to know what God has to say about things through his Word the Bible. We believe that God has spoken to us in his Word – and he speaks today through his Word by his Holy Spirit. So as Christians we’re hugely privileged – and blessed. Because we don’t have to feel around in the dark: rather we can listen to what God has to say to us – about himself, about ourselves, about life, and about love.

So we’re going to start by looking at a few key parts of the Bible that address this question – what is love? It’s worth saying that in the New Testament there are 4 different words used for ‘love’. But the main word used of Christian love in the New Testament is agape – that’s the word used in each of the examples I’m going to give. And a different word is used for romantic love – eros; so immediately we can see that what our culture says about love is different to what the Bible’s saying.

1 John 4:10

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

ESV

The apostle John is telling us that love starts with God. It doesn’t start with me, and me loving other people – it starts with God. And he’s telling us that love does involve action – if it is a feeling it’s not just a feeling. It leads to action.

He’s also revealing to us what is the greatest demonstration of love known to humanity. If I ask you to think of a great demonstration of love you’ve experienced or heard about – I’m sure we can come up with all sorts of things. And God has shown his love to us in lots of ways: but John is saying this is the greatest way: God the Father sent his own Son, who he loved dearly, as a sacrifice for our sins, for all the ways we’ve turned away from God and loved other things.

And that word ‘propitiation’ means ‘turning aside God’s right anger against sin.’ God was rightly angry against our sin; and his immediate response was not to condemn us straight away. Rather it was to send his Son to die for us as a sacrifice – to pay the price instead of us. He gave up his Son – his only Son – to death. And John tells us – that is the supreme example of love.

I was talking to someone about this recently. This person was a father, with a son. And he was visibly moved as he talked about the extreme cost – the unbearable, unbelievable cost of giving up your son. He agreed with John – that is love.

So love begins with God; it involves action; and I think we can say it is concerned for the well-being of others – it is less concerned about itself than others. That’s why the Father sent his Son – because he was concerned for others.

Notice that love as defined by John is the opposite of how our culture often thinks about love. Often, love as a feeling is focused on myself. Think about how love is talked about in pop songs; or think about teenage love on TV. It’s less about the other person, more about myself and my feelings and my experience. It’s self-focused; whereas this love is other-focused.

1 Corinthians 13

The second passage is 1 Corinthians 13 – perhaps the most famous passage about love in the whole Bible. I spoke on this a few years ago, and one of the things I drew out is that the supreme example of this love is Jesus Christ: the God-man Jesus Christ lived these words out in a way that none of the rest of us ever have. And this passage is all about how love behaves – as supremely revealed in Christ. For example:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

verses 4-5

And again we see that love is other-focused. It considers the other person before itself.

Ephesians 5:25-27

Then there’s Ephesians 5:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5:25-27

We’ve seen that love is about action – being concerned for the well-being of the other and doing something about it. But these verses – along with many others in the Bible – show us that it’s about much more than just action. If I said to my wife “Here are some flowers,” or “here’s your favourite drink because God tells me to love you”: that wouldn’t be very well received, and rightly so.

Love does involve feelings – it does involve our emotions. It’s certainly more than just romantic feelings: and for those of you who haven’t fallen in love yet, that doesn’t last very long. A long-term relationship has to go beyond those feelings of falling in love. But love does involve a happy, joyful, looking out to the interests of the other – a happy joyful focus on another.

God is love

Let’s take it one stage further. In 1 John 4:8 we read ‘God is love.’ It’s worth noting that there’s more we can say about God – he’s also ‘light’ as John says earlier in this letter (1 John 1:5). But if God is love then we can certainly say that love began / begins with God. Before there was anything else there was God: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The Father loved the Son, and the Son loved the Father in the power of the Holy Spirit.

And that love was so great that it overflowed – so that the universe was created and people were created. And the Bible tells us we were made in God’s image (Genesis 1:28). And that means that all human love in some way reflects the love of God: Father for Son, Son for Father in power of Spirit.

My working definition of love

And so this is my working definition of love, as it is found among the persons of the Trinity, as it’s displayed by Jesus, and as God’s people are to live it out:

Happy, joyful, other-focused, faithful, sacrificial, active, life-giving, overflowing.

And notice that happiness and focus on others go together. Naturally we often don’t think this is the case. We think we’ll be happy if we focus on ourselves: if we put ourselves first, looking inwards, inside ourselves. That’s what we’re told constantly by many around us; and we believe it because it fits with our sinful desires – to put self at the centre.

But in reality God the Father is happy and other-focused as he focuses on his Son. And we are happy as we are other-focused – focusing on God and others. Speaking from my own experience: I find my default is to be self-focused – to look inward. But as the Holy Spirit helps me to focus on others – joy follows.

Responding to God’s love

Where do we fit into this? God loves us. He loves us so much he sent his Son to die for us. And we need to respond to his love.

Response: God at the centre of our lives

How do we respond? We respond by believing and repenting. And one way of thinking about repenting is that it’s taking myself off the throne of my life and putting God on the throne of my life. It’s saying “I will no longer be at the centre; God will be at the centre of my life.” In other words, it’s choosing to love God.

And of course, for us as creatures part of loving God is obedience to him. As Jesus said: “If you love me, keep my commands”, and “Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me.” (John 14:15, 21). But this is not a resentful, forced obedience; rather it is the joyful willing obedience of one who knows they are deeply loved and that the commands of the lover are for their blessing.

Loved in Christ

And as we make that choice – something wonderful happens (as we see in the second half of John 14:21). God the Father looks at us as if we were his Son. He looks at us and he loves us as he loves Jesus. As we see in many other parts of the New Testament, we are ‘in Christ.’ We are united to Christ. And so the Father loves us as members of the body of Christ. We are (whilst remaining creatures) caught up into the community of love that is God in the bond of the Spirit. And receiving the Holy Spirit we are able to love as we have been loved. We’re able to love God; we’re able to love others.

So what?

So how will we respond to this? It may be that as you’ve been reading this you’ve realised that God is not at the centre of your life – rather, you are at the centre of your life. And if that’s the case – today would be a great day to ask for forgiveness, and to choose to put God at the centre of your life. Think of what we’ve seen about God: He is a God of love; he is a God who loves us so much he sent his Son to die for us; and as we put him at the centre of our lives we are supremely happy. Why wouldn’t we want to do that?

And for those of us who have already put God at the centre of our lives – who have already repented and believed: Let’s ask God to help us to love him and to love others. We’ll be aware of how far short we fall. But we have the Holy Spirit. And as we get to know God better, as we get to know Jesus, as we get to know their love for us – so we will be changed to be more like them, and we will begin to love as they love.

I take it that’s where Jesus’s teaching about the greatest commandment comes in:

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”³⁷ Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

Matthew 22:36-40