Photo: Roland Denes – Unsplash
2022 has been a difficult year for me personally and for the church family which I serve. There have been a number of challenges, hurts and disappointments. For me it all started towards the beginning of the year when I was brought to see the love of God for me in a deeper way (from Romans 5:1-11 specifically); and at the same time began to endure a period of severe pain in my neck, shoulder and arm which lasted several months. I won’t go into all the details of what’s happened, but let me just share 3 things as I reflect back (conscious of course that the year is still ongoing.)
Experiencing God’s love
Although it has been hard, I don’t regret or begrudge any of what has happened. Through the hardship and challenges God has revealed his love to me in a deeper and more intense way. I have experienced the truth of Romans 5:3-5:
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5, NIV
You have done this
The Christian experience is often like a J curve – or a Nike swoosh – going down into suffering and death, and then up again into life and joy. The turning point for this particular J curve was when I was able, with Habakkuk, to say to the Lord “You have done this.”
We’ll know that the prophet Habakkuk prophecied in Judah at the time of the superpowers Assyria and Babylon. He cried out to God about the injustice he saw in Judah, asking “How long O Lord?” (see Habakkuk 1:2-4). And the Lord’s response was “I will raise up the Babylonians to wreak havoc!” (see Habakkuk 1:5-11). Not surprisingly Habakkuk wrestles with this for some time. But in the end he comes to a settled peace about God’s ways:
I will stand at my watch
Habakkuk 2:1, NIV
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.
The Lord is in his holy temple;
Habakkuk 2:20, NIV
let all the earth be silent before him.
Lord, I have heard of your fame;
Habakkuk 3:2, NIV
I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
in our time make them known;
in wrath remember mercy.
We might summarise his ultimate response as “You have done this – and I will trust you and wait to see how things will work out.”
“You have done this.” All that I have experienced in 2022 has been superintended by the Lord. That’s not to say that the devil hasn’t been involved, or my own sin and frailty – of course they have. But the Lord has governed it all. And I have found that to be immensely comforting. Why? Because if God is sovereign and God is good (see below) then I can trust that he is working in a million ways that I don’t understand, and he will work things for good in the end – for me, for the church family, and for others who love him / will come to love him. It’s still hard of course. But we were never promised an easy road.
Show me your goodness
There was a particular morning a couple of months ago when I was struggling and I confess I said to the Lord “I’m not doing anything else until you show me your goodness.” Not a particularly godly prayer to pray I know. He didn’t have to answer it. But we worship a wonderfully loving, gracious and kind God – a God who delights to enter into our mess and has particular compassion for us in our mess. And over the next few days he showed me his goodness in some remarkable ways – starting, of course, with the cross of Christ.
I don’t know what you’re going through at the moment, and I can’t promise you the same experience. But I hope this provides some small encouragement to keep trusting our God who is sovereign and good – to be able to say with Habakkuk “You have done this – and I will trust you and wait to see how things will work out.”
Imperfect Pastor 